


The Infamous Halloween Party

by marshymellowmonster



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Gen, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Karaoke, Pumpkins, dressing up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5123744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshymellowmonster/pseuds/marshymellowmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Halloween, one of the few things the Dwarfers can be bothered to celebrate. But how do they celebrate it? After all there's no point trick-or-treating in an empty giant red trash can. Rated T to be on the safe side because of a couple of what apparently are 'naughty words' (according to my Niece) please just read it. Sorry it's a day late. Please read it, pretty please?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Infamous Halloween Party

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mercury (the beta fairy)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=mercury+%28the+beta+fairy%29).



> I couldn't sleep last night and so this fic was born from the twisted wreckage that is my brain after a two hundred mile car journey. Written as a cure for insomnia, posted on a dare from my Beta Fairy. Please read and review if you feel it's worth it, it's the first thing I've written for a couple of weeks. Even after copious amounts of research for homework this plot bunny would not die so I've written it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I wished I owned Red Dwarf, but I don't. it's for the best, my mum is so anti-dwarf she'd probably make me axe it if I ever did get my hands on it. I don't own any of the songs, especially not the Chicken song from Spitting image which I couldn't help myself with and just had to write it in. TL:DR I don't own anything.

Halloween was one of the few things they celebrated with any regularity on the Dwarf, because it was one of the few events none of them had anything against. Sure, it was different, because there was no point in organising masses of decoration to conceal the emptiness of the decks but it was still pretty good anyway. This year was in fact the first year they had decided to forgo even pretending to trick or treat as Lister finally realised he was too old. Not that he was that old of course. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
Instead, the four of them were just going to go down the bar, have a bit of a party and then drunkenly mess with each other. It passed the time, in addition they had all agreed to make a treat to bring to the party so they could still indulge in too much sugar. The biggest problem was making sure they didn’t see each other’s costumes in advance.   
By the time Lister arrived, fashionably late of course the others were already there and merry. Looking at the table he could see why- lots of beer and android punch, Kryten’s legendary boiled sweets, and Rimmer’s cookies (now edible after years of practise and now he could actually make them himself) were enticingly laid out for him. His own sugar puff sandwiches paled in comparison. Of course, the Cat had not bothered to bring anything, as always. 

The next thing he saw was the other’s costumes. He himself had dug out his nicest white T shirt, and skinny jeans. Coupled with his leather jacket and boots, he made a more than passable T-bird. Even though Kryten’s options were limited, he always came up with something spectacular and this year was no exception. He had painted head and hands green, with the joints loose, to give the impression of being stuck together haphazardly, it also appeared that he’d welded a bolt to his neck, all in all a highly convincing Frankenstein. He said as much “nice Frankenstein Kryters”. 

“Actually sir, it’s Frankenstein’s monster, Frankenstein was the...” But Lister had already moved on. He didn't mean any offense to Kryten but when he started correcting Lister, Lister's eyes automatically glazed over. Lister saw it as his natural defence against answers which were too complicated and which he wouldn't understand anyway. Besides Kryten was used to it by now.

He looked around a little more. The scutters were as always, cowboys and Indians. No surprise there. Next. 

The Cat was dressed as a tiger in his yellow and black coat, and matching trousers. Every year he toyed with going as Dwayne Dibley but then chickened out and went as something else instead. When asked, he would say “I couldn’t even bear to try as a joke man” or similar excuses. He was talking with Holly who as ever had tinged the bottom of his projection blood red. This was his costume every year. “Oi Dave! Like the bodyless horseman!” To avoid conflict he acted surprised. 

“It’s brilliant Hol” he replied. But where was Rimmer? Surely he wouldn’t miss the one night of the year when he always had the best chance of feeling successful. Just by thinking of a costume, he could instantly make it, and so didn’t have the constraints of the others. It generally resulted in something reasonably impressive and usually funny, culminating in an accidental werewolf last year, when Rimmer had been daydreaming too much to focus on what his projection was doing. 

Just then, he felt familiar heavy breathing in his ear, along with a chill and tingle down his spine and turned around. And yelled. Even by his standards, the Hologram had outdone himself. He looked well and truly freaky. Rimmer had manipulated his projection, so instead of being a couple of millimetres above the floor, he was a clear foot above the deck. And he looked all washed out and translucent which made his already pale face white with deep set dark eyes terrifying almost like a zombie in a B-movie. He was in soft light, and wearing a tattered suit with chains wrapped round his torso and one arm which rattled as he moved the arm, an ominous soundtrack . With his usual spot-on imitation ability he was groaning in a voice too deep to be human. The all-round effect was enough to make Lister genuinely scared. For a second. 

“You smegging scared me you smeghead” Lister roared as soon as he recovered. Rimmer smirked and held back a giggle, with visible effort. The others had to have seen the hologram creeping up behind him and chosen not to say anything. Evil bastards, he thought, he’d get them back for it later. They were currently looking at him with looks as if butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths, and Kryten was even whistling with over the top innocence. The performance did not fool anybody. It was the worst acting he'd seen since he'd accidently recorded a rerun of Hollyoaks instead of the zero-gee football one night in Liverpool when drunk.  
\---------------------------------------------------------

Once nicely drunk. The festivities continued in earnest. First was the pumpkin carving competition. Cat carved a simulant’s face, Lister a passable GELF (or he claimed it was a GELF, but then again GELFs could look like anything). Rimmer, failed at carving anything scary and actually made a rather cute face. He glared at it, swore and then buried the knife deep within the table with superhuman strength in frustration. As for Kryten, he simply massacred his pumpkin, his hands not having the dexterity needed for carving a decent image. Though trying every year anyway was an admirable act of determination in the face of adversity. 

Next was the karaoke. Kryten kicked it off with a pretty good rendition of the “Monster Mash” which was even better given his costume. Next was the Cat, who was singing “Abracadabra” with a decent singing voice and some dance moves. With some gentle cajoling Rimmer went next. He groaned when he saw that the others were making him sing “The Time Warp” but gave it a go in a rather shy and faltering voice that still showed a more than average singing ability. Lister couldn’t help thinking of a certain version of the hologram who’d be at home in the Rocky Horror picture show. 

More importantly, in his opinion, another thought occurred to him. Two in as many minutes, when you’re hot you’re hot! Why was Lister the only one bad at singing? All the others were half decent, why was he so bad. Holly sang “the flying purple people eater” and then it was his turn.  
He scowled at the others when he heard the opening words of the worst song in the history of the world, and they smirked back. The Chicken song. “It’s that time of year now that spring is in the air, when those two wet gits, with their girly curly hair…” he mumbled. Cat pressed his hand to his ear motioning him to sing louder. Alright, he would. Bellowing he continued. “Raise a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose, buy a jumbo jet and then bury all your clothes…” when it was finally over it was probably a good thing they were too drunk to hold grudges.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Drinking continued and then soon they were passed out, ready for the world’s worst hangovers the next day. But as always, celebrating with friends made the whole sorry affair worth it, in Lister’s opinion at least. Sure the human race had been fun, whilst it lasted, but if staying with them meant missing out on times like this, then he wasn’t sure if he wasn’t glad they were gone.


End file.
